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LAWYERGIRL of St. Paul: “CHERIE D of Inver Grove Heights told a tale of finding Grandma’s ashes and perhaps having to keep them (Sunday BB, 7/24/2022).
“When Grandpa died in 1978, cremation was uncommon here, but that’s what he wanted. His remains were in a brass box with a metal label with his name and birth and death dates, decorated with a wreath. Mom put a small framed photo of Grandpa when he was younger on top of it, and the box migrated between the top of the old upright piano and the top of the bookcase.
“His remains were in the family room until Grandma’s death 10 years later; when Grandma was dying, she told Mom to bury him with her, because there was room between her feet and she could kick him for eternity — and is presumably doing so.
“If CHERIE D doesn’t want to keep Grandma’s ashes, there are other options.”
GREGORY J. of Dayton’s Bluff: “JOHN IN HIGHLAND recently told us about his dad, Ed, who was an engineer in the Aerospace Division at Honeywell, bringing home a working model of a gyroscope to show his kids.
“My dad, Joe, who was a chemist at the Toni Co. and had absolutely nothing to do with aerospace, did the same thing, sort of.
“Dad would sometimes go on business trips and always brought home little gifts for my brother and me. Although I was too young to realize it at the time, those gifts were usually Neat Stuff, some of which I’ve already written about. After one of these trips, he gave us a toy gyroscope.
“This gyroscope was basically what JOHN IN HIGHLAND described, but stripped to its absolutely simplest form. Toy gyroscopes have been around for over 100 years. This particular one is at least 60 years old, but with the addition of a few drops of 3-IN-ONE oil, it works just like it did when it was new — even if it does look a little worse for wear. It has a wheel about 2 inches in diameter, mounted in a frame so it can spin. It comes with a small plastic stand for support. Spinning the wheel is accomplished by threading a string through a hole in the upper spindle, carefully wrapping the string around the spindle, and then yanking it away as fast as possible.
“Placing the gyroscope on the stand, or on a pencil tip, finger, string or a sharp edge of some kind will demonstrate the basic gyroscopic principles. It is fun to watch but very difficult to photograph.
“It appears to defy gravity, which it does not, except when astronauts play with one on the International Space Station — strictly for educational purposes, of course. There are a number of YouTube videos that show toy gyroscopes in action much better than my still photos do.”
MOUNDS VIEW SWEDE: “I brought my camera with on a recent visit to Lake Owasso, to see how things were looking midsummer. Large masses of lily pads were on the west side of the lake.
“There were some blooming plants near the shore.
“And the thistles were busy making the seeds ready to float away to find new places to grow.
“And a lone Monarch butterfly was visiting blossoms.
“I have not seen many of the Monarchs this year, but was glad to see the few I’ve seen.”
CHERIE D of IGH: “LAWYERGIRL of St. Paul’s response to ‘I Found Grandma’ is a fun story. Thank you for sharing!
“I have a follow-up to my first story about finding my grandma’s ashes. I just learned from my brother that our mom has another container of ashes in her home. This time it’s the ashes of her beloved kitty. But wait, there’s more. While Grandma’s ashes were tucked into a dark corner of the bedroom, the kitty’s ashes are in a prime location, on top of the mantel in the living room.
THE RETIRED PEDAGOGUE of Arden Hills: “Subject: Check the math.
“The July 20th Sports section of the STrib carried a feature on Jim Kaat prior to his introduction into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.
“On Page C4 was a list of Kaat’s accomplishments during his ’25-season career in the majors . . .’
“This was one of the categories in the list:
“‘Kaat went 27 years between World Series appearances, pitching in the Fall Classic in 1965 for the Twins and 1982 for St. Louis.’
“That has to be the shortest 27 years in history.”
THE RETIRED PEDAGOGUE of Arden Hills, again: “Subject: We can see that!
“A TV network reporter was doing a standup from an area of sequoia trees while commenting on the nearby fires.
“His final comment: ‘We’re not out of the woods yet.’”
AL B of Hartland reports: (1) “I’ve learned . . .
“April is one of the 12 cruelest months of the year.
“If they want to speed up baseball games, MLB umpires should call a batter out anytime a fan in the stands catches a ball.
“If you’re being chased by an angry mob of taxidermists, don’t play dead.
“If I were a spy, tying me up in front of a TV showing any of the 24-hour news channels would quickly cause me to spill the beans.”
(2) “Do you ever get the feeling you’re the only one who has too many photos? Cheer up; there are at least two of us. You and I are in this together, and I’m happy to have your company. I have thousands of bird, mammal, insect and wildflower photos for use in magazines and newspapers, but I’m fixing to delete most of them. I’m like your brother who replies to every email — eventually. ‘Fixing to’ means I’ll get around to it sometime — maybe . . . but first, I need to take a few more photos of those bald eagles on those two nests that look like upside-down Volkswagen Beetles in king trees.”
(3) “I make it a cardinal rule to look at every cardinal.”
(4) “I see organized groups culling our ditches of trash. They do good work.
“I pick up trash when I’m birding and have for so many years I can’t remember when I didn’t. I can’t pick it all up, and I don’t try. I can pick up some of it, and I do.
“One day, I found an entire pen. It hadn’t been crushed by a vehicle tire. It didn’t have any ink, but you can’t have everything.
“A woman asked me why I was picking up trash. She likely thought I’d been sentenced to community service. ‘I am birding,’ I said.”
FRIENDLY BOB of Fridley: “I always enjoy the brief but apt observations from AL B of Hartland.
“This recent example — ‘I’ve learned . . . there are few things rarer than people who are at their ideal weight’ — reminded me of an episode of ‘Cheers.’
“Those of us addicted to reruns we have seen many times will recognize that in many episodes, Norm Peterson enters the bar, announces ‘Afternoon, everybody,’ and is greeted with a loud chorus of ‘Norm!’ Usually Norm has another pithy remark ready when one of the bartenders (usually Coach or Woody) has some sort of greeting for him. I can’t remember for sure whether it was Coach or Woody who greeted him once with ‘What are you up to, Norm?’ or ‘What are you up to, Mr. Peterson?’ [Bulletin Board notes: As a matter of fact, it was Sam Malone who asked “What are you up to, Norm?”]
“Norm’s response: ‘My ideal weight if I were 11 feet tall!’”
A trio from TIM TORKILDSON: (1) “I take a bunch of sleeping aids “to bring me slumber sweet; “but I stay so very wide awake “upon my linen sheet. “And so the morning finds me dull; “my wits, quite obsolete.”
(2) “When arthritis comes a-calling “there’s no use in simply bawling. “So my joints won’t do their duty? “Life can still be tutti-frutti! “If I can’t kick up my heels, “I’ll just spread banana peels . . .”
(3) “‘The U.S. dollar is stronger than it has been in decades and the effects of its rapid rise are reverberating across the globe.’ (Wall Street Journal)
“I’m glad the dollar is so strong; ‘it shows the Fed can do no wrong. ‘Our specie payments are the best ‘in all the world; they’ve passed the test! ‘The only thing that makes me blue “is the fact I have so few . . .”
A pair from RUSTY of St. Paul: (1) “Professional golfer Padraig Harrington was feeling his age during the prolonged first round of the British Open. Due to the design and setup of the Old Course at St. Andrews in Scotland, rounds were taking six hours, and sometimes players had to wait 20 minutes between shots. ‘It was hard going, with all the stopping and starting,’ he said. ‘When you’re 50 years of age, it’s hard to Rolls-Royce it on every swing.’”
(2) “I wonder if this might be a corollary to ‘getting up on the wrong side of the bed.’
“My day was going well, so I must have gotten up on the right side of the bed, until I had to have my first bathroom break of the day after getting dressed. It was a stand-up number. Fly on the pants went down, and then I was fiddling for the fly of my underwear to find what needed finding to proceed.
“Felt my undies in the center — stymied. Felt to the right. No luck. To the left. No cigar. I was wearing a newish pair of briefs that are body-hugging. I own some briefs that don’t have flies, for use in the BWCA, and thought that might be the case here.
“I dropped trou and . . . I had my undies on backwards!
“Maybe I should wear my glasses when I get dressed? Or have my wife present to direct me? Or even dress me?”
Band Name of the Day: The Backwards Undies
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